4
RAIHN
“T hat,” Cairis muttered, “was a shit show.”
“I don’t think it went that badly.”
Ketura closed the door behind us. The room was simultaneously too empty and so messy you couldn’t think in it. It had been a library before—a room devoted to displaying items that were very beautiful, very old, or very expensive, and usually all three. Ketura had commanded most of the castle be stripped—for information, for traps—and some poor servant had gotten halfway through pulling the books off the shelves before she decided that this particular room was the only acceptable base of operations.
Now, it was a haphazard disaster—the shelves on one side bare, piles of books shoved into a corner. The long table at the center of the room was covered with notes and maps and books and a few discarded glass goblets from the night before, congealing red crusted at their bottoms.
Vincent had been in power for two-hundred years. There was a lot of clutter to
strip away.
I was secretly grateful for it.
The night the Kejari ended, I had flown here with a pit of dread in my stomach.
I’d had more than enough distractions—Oraya’s unconscious body in my arms, Vincent’s blood all over my hands, an Heir Mark burning on my back, and an entire fucking kingdom on my shoulders. And yet, I’d still paused at the doors of this castle, the memory of the past chasing me.
Maybe that made me a coward.
But two hundred years was a long time. The place looked very different under Vincent’s rule. It was enough to disguise the worst of the memories, night-to-night.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself to visit some wings at all.
I dragged a seat out and sat down heavily, propping my heels up on the corner of the table. The chair groaned slightly under my weight. I let my head fall back and stared at the ceiling—silver tiles, etched with Hiaj wings. Ugh.
“What were you going to do if Vale didn’t show up when he did?” Cairis asked.
“Slaughter them all?”
“Doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” I said. “It’s what the great Neculai Vasarus
would have done.”
“You aren’t him.”
Something about his tone made my head snap up.
He said that like it was a bad thing.
That thought sickened me. For some reason, my mind drifted back to the night of the wedding, and the promise I had made Oraya when I’d practically begged her to work with me.
We’ll rip apart the worlds that subjugated both of us, and from the ashes we’ll
build something new.
I’d meant every word of it.
But Oraya had just looked at me with hatred and disgust, and hell if I could blame her for that. And now here I was picking blood out from under my fingernails, deciding how to best make myself just like the man who had destroyed me.
She could always see right through the bullshit.
A knock rang out, thankfully interrupting that line of conversation. Ketura opened the door, and Vale stepped in. He paused and bowed his head to me as he
closed the door behind him.
“Highness.”
Sometimes, it’s the little things that make the reality of a situation hit you.
Vale’s over-the-top declaration of fealty hadn’t done it. But this, this casual little half bow, the exact same one he used to give Neculai—it made me feel as if I was two centuries in the past, my former master standing right behind me.
Ketura had wanted Vale as my Head of War. She was good at execution, but we needed someone strategic. And Cairis had insisted that it be someone with noble blood—someone respected by all the people who wouldn’t respect me. “To legitimize you,” he’d said.
Legitimize. I had a blessing from a goddess and an ugly magical tattoo I couldn’t get rid of. Yet it was Vale who was going to give me “legitimacy.”
It was hard for me to forget. No, Vale had never participated in the depravity quite like the others did. Maybe he thought consensual lovers were more enthusiastic. Maybe he inflicted enough bloodshed at work that it wasn’t what he wanted to do for fun.
Didn’t make him a saint. And it didn’t mean that he didn’t still look at me as a slave.
“I apologize for my lateness today,” he said. “Storms over the seas.”
“You can’t control the wind. And I’m sure your wife probably needed time to
recover.”
A blink.
“From the Turning,” I clarified. Then smiled. “Congratulations, by the way.”
Vale’s eyes hardened, gleaming like those of a guard dog barely tethered.
Did he think I was threatening her? It’s what Neculai would have done.
But no. I just didn’t like that Vale had Turned some human woman and dragged her over here. I didn’t like it at all.
“It went as well as it could have,” he said. “She’s resting. A bit seasick on the journey. I wanted to get her settled.”
His expression softened, and that… that, I wasn’t quite expecting. It looked oddly close to actual affection.
I wasn’t sure if that made me feel any better. Neculai had loved Nessanyn, his wife. Hadn’t saved her from anything.
“Well. I’m glad you made it.” I gestured to the table and the maps strewn across it. “Plenty to catch you up on, as you can see.”
T
Cairis seemed to be choosing his words with uncharacteristic care. “She is a
danger to you.”
“She can’t act against me.”
“She won the Kejari, Raihn.”
My hand found its way to my chest—right where her dagger had pierced it.
There was no scar, no mark. There wouldn’t be—with Oraya’s wish, the act had been undone. I could’ve sworn I felt it sometimes, though. Right now, it pulsed with a vicious throb.
But I hid all that as I turned to him with a smug smirk. “You can’t say it doesn’t look good, to have Vincent’s daughter leashed at my side.”
I’d always been a good mimic. I slipped a little of Neculai’s cruelty into my voice, just like I had that day in the ring, when I justified letting Oraya live with a
litany of atrocities.
Cairis’s face was stone, unconvinced.
“After what he did to Nessanyn,” I added, “don’t you think we deserve that satisfaction?”
He flinched at the mention of Nessanyn. Just like I knew he would. Just like I often did, when old memories caught me off guard.
“Maybe,” he admitted, after a long moment. “But it doesn’t do anything to help her now.”
I swallowed and turned to the wall of books, pretending to admire the trinkets on the shelves.
I didn’t like to think about Nessanyn. But I’d been doing it a lot these last few weeks. She was everywhere in this castle. All of it was everywhere here.
I couldn’t help Nessanyn when she was alive. I couldn’t help her when she was dead. And here I was, just using her memory to manipulate the people around me.
She had been used her entire life. Now she was being used in death, too.
Cairis wanted me to be just like Neculai. He didn’t even know how close he was to getting that wish.
I withdrew my hands from my pockets. Some of Martas’s blood still remained
under my fingernails.
“Don’t you hate them?” I said.
I’d meant for the question to sound more lilting, more casual, than it really did.
Because Cairis had been there for all of it, too. Just another one of Neculai’s pets.
And yet now he could sit here and advocate for an alliance with the people who had inflicted unimaginable degradation upon us. It genuinely amazed me.
“Of course I hate them,” he said. “But we need them. For now. Who wins if you kill them all and we lose the House of Night to Septimus? Not us. She used to say that, too, remember?” I turned to see a soft, distant smile on his face—a rare expression from him. “‘Remember who wins.’”
He said it fondly, but my teeth ground.
Yes, I remembered. Couldn’t even count how many times I got right up to the edge, just about to strike back. And whenever it happened, Nessanyn would stop me. Don’t let them win, she would beg, her big brown eyes deep and damp. Who
wins if he kills you?
“I remember,” I said.
Cairis shook his head, a sad smile at his lips. “We were all a little in love with her, right?”
Yes, we were all a little in love with Nessanyn. I had been the one sleeping with her, but all of us loved her. How could you not, when she was the only kindness you
knew? The only one who treated you like a person instead of a collection of body parts?
“So think about that,” he said. “That’s what I do. Whenever I feel it, I ask myself, Who wins?”
He said it like it was some great proverb, some enlightening wisdom.
“Hm,” I said, thoroughly unconvinced.
I
And I had been so fucking smug when I’d wrung that fight out of her in that last
battle.
Well, she wasn’t fighting now.
I didn’t go to her room anymore. I’d make sure that headache tea was sent to her the next evening. I’d make sure she had what she needed. But what she needed, right now, certainly wasn’t me.
I got into bed, but didn’t sleep. Nessanyn’s words floated through my mind, this time with a cynical tinge that was distinctly mine.
Who wins?
Well, Nessanyn sure as fuck didn’t.
And Oraya didn’t, either.
